last weekend, i travelled to columbia, missouri to see for the last time (in a long time) my favorite newlyweds before they move to georgia to begin their adult-married-people jobs. it was so nice of them to let me sleep on their couch, right next to their bed for two nights!
i have known deanna since the beginning of my freshman year (at mizzou). we quickly became best friends and pretty much inseparable. it was through her that i also met all of my best guy friends and learned how much you could love someone that wasn't your family (or your boyfriend). i can honestly say that deanna is one of my best friends and i hope that we remain as close as we've become forever.
okay, enough with the emotional stuff. not my style.
deanna & mike got married in april. it was a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful reception and all that jazz. when the two of them looked at each other you knew that it was meant to be and before we know it, they'll be old and wrinkly and still calling each other 'babe.' what i didn't expect last weekend was to see how married they are! it sounds funny to say that, especially since they have been married for two months and i saw them get married, but i guess i never thought that they would act married. here is what i mean:
alarm goes off at 7. mike gets up. starts coffee. deanna sleeps for maybe 15 minutes (i mean, i was asleep too, so this is just what i am making up right now). deanna goes and sits in chair, reading her homework assignment from ruf. mike delivers coffee to chair.
mid day: deanna makes cookies. mike does dishes (without complaining, gasp!). deanna wipes down counters. monica watches in amazement that people her age act like this.
dinner: deanna makes dinner. mike does dishes.
after dinner: watch movie.
this is their life! totally married & domestic.
before the chef and i started dating, i didn't want to get married. i had seen my parents go through a divorce, i had seen my friends parents go through divorce. i saw what happened to my family because of divorce (mom and kids super close, no longer having someone to call 'dad'). i didn't even want kids! i wanted to be the 'cool' aunt to all of my siblings/cousins/friends kids without the responsibility. i wanted to live in nyc, drink cosmos, and have fabulous shoes. no husbands or kids allowed in my penthouse.
about one and half to two years into dating, chef and i started talking about marriage. suddenly, i wanted to be a stay at home mom with two kids, a dog and a husband to take on as my responsibility. we planned many lives together (starting in san francisco, in the middle we lived in columbia/iowa, ending in colorado) and i got comfortable with the idea that i was going to end up as a mommy instead of an editor in chief.
obviously, the situation has changed and i'm back to planning a life on my own. it's tough out there, world! i find myself in moments of complete darkness and alone. i miss having someone to plan a life with that i weep. (that wasn't sarcasm, i have started to cry once a day. not looking for pity here, just telling my story!) i think the hardest part of the break up is realizing that the life i had planned for two years isn't going to happen with the person that i planned it with. i didn't expect to miss the planning (0kay, the person) so much that i can feel my heart aching.
i still want marriage. i still want to be a stay at home mom. it isn't a joke to me: that's what i want. (with a successful custom invitation/stationery design company on the side.) the life i planned at the beginning of college (read: nyc penthouse) doesn't sound as fun unless i have someone there to enjoy it with me.
when i was in columbia, i found it the most comforting that deanna's husband took time to talk with me about what happened with the chef. it's been a little messy. things have been said (by both) that can never be taken back that have changed our relationship forever. in one weekend, i lost my boyfriend and my best friend. but looking at my favorite newlyweds and talking with the husband side of the fam, i have hope that i'll get my little family someday. mike said that chef & i probably talked about getting married and having a family too much. he was right. it's like setting yourself up for failure & it makes heartbreak that much harder to recover from.
the fords, dancing on their first night as a married couple. photo courtesy of the fords' in law christian via facebook.
thank you, mike and deanna for inspiring to me to not give up my dream of being a stay at home with a husband and children as my only responsibility. i love you & wish you all the best in georgia! (i can't wait to come visit and sleep on the couch again!)
edit: in case anyone is worried - i am not sad and alone and depressed. i think crying is totally healthy. i am happy & hopefully about the future...i am still the optimistic, sarcastic, fabulous person i have always been!
