I have been in the worst funk lately. I just can't motivate myself to do....anything. All I do is sit at home on my floor, camped out for hours at a time. And I just watch mindless TV by myself. And then I move to my bed and do it all again the next day. It's turning me into a zombie that just doesn't give a snot about anything. It's horrible.
Staying in Columbia for the next year was one of the biggest decisions that I've had to make in my 22 years of living. It was an easy decision to make, but at every commercial break I wonder if it was the right one? But then, I think if I had moved anywhere, I would probably be doing the same thing. Sitting at home in a one-bedroom apartment with a peeling back to it's original pink bathtub, alone. I should have thought more seriously about a roommate (a puppy!). Part of the reason that I wanted to stay here was that I was determined not to move back into my mama's house. Although, I've come home to it practically every-other weekend and I'll be back there in two weeks. So, that plan failed.
I just knew if I moved home, everything would be really easy. I would have all of my high school friends back. I could get a job at some cute little boutique. I could figure out what to do with my brilliant mind! And best of all, I wouldn't have to pay rent. The funny thing now, is that I can't wait to move back. But I know when I do, it won't be back to my beautiful green room at 2017. (Don't worry, Tom. You can have that big house all to yourself.) At least not permanently.
Plus, there was the job thing. Everyone in college was telling us that the job market was horrible and that we could count on channel-surfing for at least a year. And if we are lucky enough to find ANY job, to take it. So, I had a job. Stay in Columbia. Easy choice.
Today at work, a really sweet old man came in looking for a donation from Veronica. He has come in about twice a week all summer long. And I know that I will see him after Wednesday of next week, too. Because he told me. Anyway, he asked me (for the fifth time, I think) what I want to be when I grow up. I used to want to be a pediatrician. My math skills failed me on that though. Now I know what I want to do, for reals: design beautiful invitations and plan beautiful events. Not just weddings, any event. I would love to plan a little Jewish child a bat/bar mitzvah. The old man told me that I need to "just do it then." Stop wasting time and do it. I laughed and said "I know."
Time to get out of this funk and get my mind in the game. Stop thinking about all the things I could be doing instead of watching the Top Chef marathon on Bravo and actually do them. Be productive. Do the dishes instead of just lazily putting them into the dishwasher (and save money! double bonus!).
Tonight I watched He's Just Not That Into You. Boy am I glad to not be single right now. There are way too many ways to be hurtfully rejected. And if I was single, I really wouldn't do anything (wait, isn't that what I do know?). Except, eat WAY tooooo much. It was a cute movie, but doesn't deserve an Oscar. And big surprise, everyone ended up happy at the end. I wish that someone could re-write the romantic comedy and make it less simple. It sets everyone up for having too high of expectations because, NEWS FLASH life ain't that easy. Someone should make a show about it. I'd watch it. Even the re-runs.
love to you all and here's to getting this chicky out of the funk!
monica faye
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